It's Not a Rumour

a rock and roll journey through life and Alzheimer's

How frustrated can I be?

April 10, 2019

post19I love my husband but I have no time for myself anymore. Everyone needs space. I love him and I take good care of him. I am conscious of that. We spend every evening and weekend together. Some friends have suggested that I leave him once in a while at daycare or with a caregiver but I am always afraid that people won’t watch him the way I do and of course no one loves him the way I do. So For about 5 years now I haven’t had a weekend to myself.  Thankfully my sisters and I still get together every Saturday and I schlep Rick with me and he has become part of the girls group. I always take care of Rick because he is my whole world, but it would be nice to have a couple hours to myself and maybe take a bath or enjoy my own house without a shadow.

Whenever I think, oh my life can’t get worse, it does. This killer cold or virus or bacteria of 2019!

Usually when I get a cold, it goes away in about a week. But this cold that I have now has lasted for 4 weeks! My ears are plugged, I had bronchitis and gross things are coming up. Faby says that I should wear a mask because when I bring a cold home, then Rick gets it and Faby gets it and boom my problems increase ten fold.

My sisters say that I keep Rick as healthy as a horse but because of his type 2 diabetes which we have pretty much reversed,  he has a weak immune system. These new strains of cold are really bad. What I have found with AD seems to weaken the persons immune system. When this happens the confusion gets compounded. Its scary. When I ask him to spit, he doesn’t. When I ask him to blow his nose, he doesn’t. I have to do hold the tissue to his nose.

I took him to the doctor and the doctor asks him, are you feeling tired? Ricks answers: You know you guys…? I am gonna kill them…nonsense! kill who? He never killed an insect. I answer for him, doctor he has AD and he’s sleeping a lot, is that ok? yes it is ok, he needs to rest so the doctor asks Rick open his mouth and he looks at his throat and then he wants to listen to his lungs. He tells Rick to take a deep breath but Rick opens his mouth so I start breathing in my nose and out my mouth and then he copies me.

This horrible cold, has a long incubation period. For the first 10 days he was ok and then he got it. He has been sleeping and making jerking movments in his sleep. He was reaching out to grab something that wasn’t there, almost like hallucinating. He’s sleeping so much that when he stands up, he’s dizzy and unbalanced. When he wakes up he’s shaking a lot. Dr. Amos said that this is normal but Faby was worried that he had Parkinson’s now. I cant handle any more sickness. He’s not singing along or playing music with me, I tried. I know he has a cold but am I losing him for good? He doesn’t make sense at all right now. This scares me. I am so worried that I took him and myself to urgent care 3 times.  From what I am learning we just have to wait it out.

First, the Doctor prescribed him a Z-pack and he’s still sick after 10 days.

Second, I bought more Wellness Formula pills from Whole Foods and we took them, 6 in the morning, 6 in the afternoon and 6 at night…nothing.

Third, I bought Dayquil because he was coughing so much and while taking it, he sneezed and spewed the Dayquil all over himself, the wall, the floor and everywhere. Everything became orange, including his hair.

Fourth, we tried 1200mg Musinex,  but he gets in a terrible mood when he takes it. So I can’t do it to myself or to Faby. But he was coughing so much that I gave him one last night and one today. He seems a little better.

Fifth, we went to this Cryoheath place where we  all got Vitamin B complex and B12 injections! We all tried to boost our immune systems. something should work, NOT!

If anybody has any suggestions I’m open to it? How do we cope with this when our loved one has AD? What do you do?

This part is really important, I need to thank everyone for being here with me, reading my blog and e-mailing me. Mentally and emotionally, I feel better and I can feel all your love and support. Sometimes its difficult to be the person with a husband with AD. People look at me and think, poor Renee, she has a lot of problems, she has bad luck, she has to do so much. I appreciate that I can have this place to vent. Its my therapy. I feel that my friends and co-workers think that they had better not tell me their problems because they think that their problems are insignificant compared to mine but I just want to be normal! I want to hear someone elses problems so that I don’t think about mine. I want some normalcy. I try to make order out of the chaos that is my life now, I don’t have an option. I don’t even know how to be normal anymore. I am caregiver 24/7 and that’s who I am now. But thanks to this blog, I don’t feel so alone anymore. I have all of you to share this with. So a BIG thank you for listening and letting me take up your time while you read this. I hope that you can feel my love going back to you.


  1. YOU are a TRUE HERO.
    …and we LOVE you for it.

    Love, love, love
    Love, love, love
    Love, love, love
    There’s nothing you can do that can’t be done
    Nothing you can sing that can’t be sung
    Nothing you can say, but you can learn how to play the game
    It’s easy
    Nothing you can make that can’t be made
    No one you can save that can’t be saved
    Nothing you can do, but you can learn how to be you in time
    It’s easy
    All you need is love
    All you need is love
    All you need is love, love
    Love is all you need
    All you need is love
    All you need is love
    All you need is love, love
    Love is all you need
    There’s nothing you can know that isn’t known
    Nothing you can see that isn’t shown
    There’s nowhere you can be that isn’t where you’re meant to be
    It’s easy
    All you need is love
    All you need is love
    All you need is love, love
    Love is…

    (from an old Pachuco)

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I was a care giver for my Mom and she had dementia and COPD.I can relate your feelings about this! I think its very helpful for you to blog about this kinda like writing in a journal to express your feelings. I wish you well and your sacrifice to taking care of one of the greatest entertainers ever!!
    Best of love take care!

    Liked by 1 person

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