March 17, 2016, I came home for lunch (lucky me I work very close to my house, I can consider myself one of the luckiest people in the world because I could give my love some support every day) and when I arrived home, Rick was talking gibberish. He wasn’t making any sense. I first thought he was joking, than I asked him some questions and he was so strange that I got really worried and I took him to his internist.
I hoped the doctor could help me. I hoped he was going to test him. I hoped he had answers. I hoped it was nothing and he said oh it’s nothing. I felt somewhat relieved because that’s what I wanted to hear. On the way home Rick got worse. He couldn’t answer anything and he was throwing up.
I couldn’t sleep. I thought he must have something. Maybe the doctor was wrong? We should be able to believe our doctors right? They should know their stuff. Why did I doubt his doctor? Anyone could see something was wrong. Well the next day, I couldn’t sleep actually, I was so worried, he still wasn’t making sense so I took him to the Emergency Room, Saint John’s Hospital and they immediately did a pet scan and saw a brain bleed or a hematoma. I knew it. Why didn’t the first doctor see it? He didn’t do anything! It was my fault. Maybe I needed to push more. And now what will we do?
A hematoma? Did he fall? I was checking him for bruises, I didn’t see anything. How could this be? What could cause a brain bleed? Was it an accident at home? Did he hit his head? He was alone at our house but he was fine. My fault.. I don’t know.